


whisper to the wind and say that love has sinned

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Series: PROMPT FILLS [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Afterlife, Eventual Happy Ending, Grief/Mourning, I blame google for any spanish translation mistakes, I swear it has a happy ending - don't kill me, I took liberties with both, M/M, Mundane Simon Lewis, Old Age, POV Simon, Prompt Fill, Simon Lewis Needs a Hug, Vampire Simon Lewis, elderly!Simon in chapter 2, mixture of book and show canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-27 15:57:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10030499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: Raphael is dead.No, he can't be.He’s too stubborn to die, the man would live until the Earth fell from beneath his feet. He would argue with God himself and win. No, none of this is real. It’s not.(When the shadows fall, hear me willow and weep for me)





	1. I would have loved you all my life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thatbloodyines](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatbloodyines/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon was not prepared to lose Raphael.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ch1 title is from "losing your memory" by ryan star:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ffp5vPyU2cI

_-_

  _Whisper to the wind and say that love has sinned_  
_Left my heart a-breaking, and making a moan_  
_Murmur to the night to hide its starry light_  
_So none will see me sighing and crying all alone_

_When the shadows fall, hear me willow and weep for me  
_

([x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w82NHDRRGJ0)) 

 

-

 

Simon hears nothing but the pulsing of his own blood as it rapidly cycles through his veins and the very space around him seems to constrict. His stomach lurches nauseatingly.  If he were to open his mouth he’d spew red hot blood, poetic in it’s ability to both take and give life. More than ever, he’s repulsed by it.

Magnus’ voice appears as if from the other side of a long darkened tunnel, muffled and distraught. Simon can tell from the tone of his voice that he’s going to crash and burn any minute now. He sounds _wrecked._

“We couldn’t get to him in time,” the garbled static laden voice says. It is the third time Magnus has repeated the phrase as if he were trying to convince himself of it and Simon cannot absorb the words.

_Raphael Santiago is dead._

**-**

 

Simon was not there to bite the bullet in his stead and it’s a cruel irony that if _he’d_ been the one facing certain death, Raphael would’ve swallowed every last one of them. His knees begin to give out under him and suddenly a clammy hand yanks him upward roughly. The man who took Raphael from the world, from _Simon,_ has his hand on Simon’s bicep and he’s promising a reprieve.

**-**

 

Clary’s sobbing, Magnus’ eyeliner is smudged from a fresh wave of tears, Alec is cradling his distraught boyfriend to his chest - absorbing liquid grief. Isabelle is in attack position, anger flickering in her dark eyes at the sight of Sebastian. Simon is standing at his own funeral, at Raphael’s, with nothing to offer. I should be doubled over, he thought, I should be crying.

_Raphael is dead._

No, he’s not. He’s too stubborn to die, the man would live until the Earth fell from beneath his feet. He would argue with God himself and win. No, none of this is real. It’s not.

Magnus recites Raphael's name repeatedly and this is what shatters Simon. Magnus Bane has always loved Raphael as his own child, this is a parent mourning their child knowing they won't be coming back from the edge this time, there is no sun that will burn Raphael Santiago. Magnus is spiraling, a spinning top out of control and everything -  _everything is too much._

 

 

**_Raphael is dead._ **

 

 

Suddenly an animalistic cry fills the air and rips it’s way from Simon's throat. His knees hit the hard stone beneath them. He heaves in panicked breaths, he's _dying_. God, this must be death -- being left behind. A strangled voice stumbles over words, a tone he hardly recognizes as his own. "N-no, no no-no, Rafe..." 

Clary surges forward, catching him in her arms. Her cheeks are tear streaked and eyes puffy from crying and he doesn't care. She has no right to cry, to grieve. Simon wants to snarl and bite at her until she retreats. She pets his hair gently and it should be calming but she's wrong, this isn't a funeral.

(It is)

"No," he growls, pushing himself to his feet. He puts space between them, a divide. "He's not-n-not yours to grieve. He never was, C-Clary. God...fuck. Raphael...he was mine and I- I let him go."

Sebastian, the bastard, is smirking in a corner. Simon lunges at him with every ounce of energy he can muster. The man laughs and Simon squeezes his throat until he coughs, face turning beet red. I would kill for him, Simon thought. 

Clary shouts as Alec grips his arms. Magnus, beautiful Magnus, tear streaked and broken, gently curls a hand around Simon's wrist. It's painfully light and breaks Simon from the haze that holds him. He folds himself into the warlocks arms and melts. Warm arms cradle him, rocking back and forth. Magnus murmurs softly in Simon's ear, "Killing Sebastian won't bring him back, darling." 

Simon isn't sure how long they stand there but the pink streaks on Magnus' ivory shirt attest to how hard they'd broken. Simon gathers himself, stepping away from the warlock who presses a kiss to his temple.

-

 

Sebastian saunters forward, seizing the moment of vulnerability. The man gets in Simon's personal space and circles him. His stale breath makes the fledgling want to vomit. 

"You love your little friends," Sebastian taunts. 

Simon's fangs drop but he does not make a move to escape or end the wretched snake before he can hurt anyone else. 

"They belong to me now but I'm willing to make a deal with you,  _vampire._ " He means to degrade Simon by reminding him of his Downworlder status but Simon has never felt such a conviction in his own being.

"I don't make deals with the devil," he grates. 

Magnus takes a step in Simon's direction but the rogue shadowhunter leers at him. "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Alec throws an arm out and pulls Magnus back to the safety of his arms. 

Sebastian strokes a clammy finger along Simon's jaw. It's a reminder of who is in control here. "I could make the pain go away, Simon Lewis. You could forget, wouldn't you like that?"

More than anything, Simon thought. He doesn't want this pain, take it. "How?"

Clary squawks, shock fills green eyes that he cannot bring himself to meet right now. "Don't listen to him, Simon! He  _killed_ Raphael, he'll kill you too.  _Please!_ "  

Simon ignores her. Sebastian's eyes glisten as he speaks about erasing every trace of Raphael Santiago and the New York clan from Simon's memory. He goes on to throw two stipulations into the ring: Simon Lewis must become a mundane and he is never to inform The Clave of what took place tonight, not that he would remember. 

Simon inhales shakily and takes what he sees as the cowards way out. 

"I'll do it."

**-**

 

Clary storms past Sebastian and he allows it. Groveling is a form of entertainment to the shadowhunter. She grips Simon by the arms and shakes him, hard. 

"SIMON. Think about what you're doing. You don't want to erase him, please. You loved him, Simon. You  _did._ You  _do._ Wiping him isn't going to fix it. The grief _will_ find you, trust me on this."

He stares back blankly, feeling more numb than anything. Realizing this, she takes another a more empathetic approach. 

"Hey, remember that sparrow we found when we were eight? It fell from the tree and died and you insisted we give it a proper funeral because  _'It'll only find peace if we bury it. God overlooks things sometimes, that's why we exist.'_ So we did, Simon. We kept going and when we passed a sparrow after that, we thought of that one. We kept going. I know it hurts, I underst-"

Simon snapped. His fangs dropped, sharp and lethal. He began to stalk at her with renewed rage. "You _don’t_ get it. He’s not a damn bird, Clary. There’s no _body_ to bury, vampires don’t get funerals. We get black clothes and the clave breathing down our necks like we _caused_ this.”

Sebastian, the snake, intercedes by using his body as a barrier between them. Clary retreats to Izzy's waiting arms, sobbing once more. "Come with me," the devil purrs. Simon obeys.

His friends are freed and his heart no longer aches painfully at the name  _Raphael Santiago._

**-**

 

His first act as a mundane is to run. 

 

-

 


	2. just remember who I am in the morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon has lived a life.

- 

Simon Lewis has lived a life. His beautiful young bride, Ana Leis, passed at the age of eighty five. She was a fierce woman with hair like the darkest night sky and rich brown eyes. In every hardship, she'd been the one to knit them back together. When he'd sobbed at their wedding over his own reflection in a sharp black suit, she'd sent the best man to check on him without asking why.

(It would take decades to answer the question she hadn't asked)

Their only child Serah, now sixty five, had been a pleasant surprise two years into their marriage. Her papa had taught her how to ride a bike, how to beat that difficult level in a game she kept getting stuck on, how to play the guitar and (much to her mother's headaches) the drums.

He'd taught Serah how to tie her shoelaces and throw a punch (he wasn't sure where he learned the latter). Ana had poured everything she was into their family and loved just as hard. And sometimes it hurt to look at Serah - she was her mother's mirrored image with her papa's knack for stammering and overall geekiness. Even in her old age, she was a force to be reckoned with. 

-

 

 _Serah,_ he'd named her.  _The morning star._ Ana had wiped away tears as Simon cradled her in his arms (they'd been younger then) and softly hummed,  _'Serah Lewis. My Serah, the first morning star to kiss the sky. I love you, I love you, diminuta estrella.'_

_Ana reached for the tiny bundle and tucked her into the nook of her arm. 'Serah Urina. That's your name, querida. Morning star, my little bear. You're going to make this world brighter.'_

The name had biblical ties as well as cultural and it fit. Never had a child been more loved or wanted. 

-

 

 "You worry too much," Simon chided affectionately.

"Someone has to," Serah countered. She moved slower these days and her hair (so much like her mama's in her later years) was tinged with silver, like the tassels she'd admired on Christmas trees in shop windows as a child. There were crows nests around her tired eyes but he looked at her and saw the first morning star to kiss the sunrise.

Sunlight streamed through cheap blinds and lit up her crown like a halo. God, she really had been a blessing, still was. 

He caught her wrist in his palm, felt the papery thin skin underneath and held on, loosely. 

"Go get some rest, _luz de las estrellas_. I'll still be here when you wake up. You can't keep sleeping on those hard chairs." He scanned the room hastily as if the ghost of his beloved would materialize to lecture him. The room was empty aside from the two of them. "-your mama would have my head for it," he finished. 

Her posture appeared to relax, perhaps relieved to return home to work on her latest concept art. His darling girl had grown up to manage her own indie game franchise complete with Lewis(tm) original artwork and it made his heart swell with pride. 

"I'll be back at six o'clock sharp and I'm stopping by that bakery you like with the strawberry jam doughnuts. Be good and stop buzzing the nurses every time your pudding cup is too hard to open or I'll keep them all for myself."

Simon huffed. 

She leaned in and whispered as if smuggling food into an elderly hospital wing was punishable by certain death if she were found out. "I'm not covering for you again, pops. Just, learn to hide them better and they won't suspect a thing." 

Simon made a gesture of sealing his lips shut and throwing away the key. His broken filter wasn't going to rat him out this time. Hopefully. 

With a quick roll of her eyes, Serah knelt and kissed his cheek. "I mean it." Her father sighed dramatically (the apple didn't fall far from  _that_ tree) and adjusted his blankets. 

"Buenos noches, adios, out you go. Let an old man have his rest." 

She groaned and made her way out the door. 

 

-

Serah had been gone from the hospital for twenty minutes max when it happened. He'd been sifting through a stack of old photographs when his eyes snagged on a picture of himself on his wedding day. It had faded from the passage of time but it felt like he'd been sobbing at his own reflection behind a locked door just yesterday. In the photo, a much younger (God had he ever really been that young) version of himself stood in front of a full mirror. His left hand was in a fist while the right was absently stroking the lapel of his jacket. 

His eyes were red rimmed and watery, it was only minutes before he fell apart. David, Ana's brother, had snapped it for the family photo album and Simon had been so out of it that he didn't even notice until he heard the click. 

The suit- that  _jacket._ Why did he have the distinct feeling that it was borrowed? 

Something borrowed, something blue -

-

 

_A man with a smooth low voice came up behind Simon. He was close enough for Simon to catch the clean orange and clove notes of his cologne, the smell of pomade and shampoo. God almighty, how was he supposed to walk away from this if even for an hour?_

_'You clean up nice, fledgling.'_

_Simon hummed happily as the man turned him around, hands coming up to adjust his lapels. 'Are you sure about this? It's not too late to change your mind.'_

_They stood in a lavish bedroom with soft candlelight and a glistening chandelier over top. Plush rugs in earthy tones adorned the floors and a tall black cherry armoire stood with it's doors wide open to reveal an array of expensive suits._

_Simon put his hands over the others and stroked the man's knuckles with his thumbs. 'As much as I'd love to make you watch The Clone Wars (you can't just stop in a series btw), I did accept the invitation. I sort of have to go. Can't have the interim chapter president's advisor giving us a bad rep, can we?'_

_Raphael lifted the fledglings hands to plush lips and kissed so carefully as though he were afraid Simon would break if he touched him roughly. Simon bit his bottom lip, lust clouding his vision. 'You look good in my clothes, mi sol. Keep that one.'_

_'Raphael,' he breathed._

_-_

 

Simon dropped the picture and his eyes misted over. The suit had belonged to a beautiful man who'd loved him enough to want to _keep_ him. Everything rushed back at once as he began to sob in earnest. 

-

 

_'This is my world now,' Simon said to a blurred figure with an orange haze around the edges._

_And later-_

_Welcome home,' Raphael murmured as he silently took his place behind Simon. The fledgling felt his heart squeeze tightly, a phantom beat pounding away. Home was Raphael Santiago, he'd made it so._

 

_-_

Fledgling, blood on his tongue, Lily in her stilettos, Stan grumbling about the storm outside. Framed paintings, a gilded couch, freezers and a path he quickly memorized that led to private quarters. 

_'I'm dead. I don't have a heartbeat!'_

_'Undead.'_

_Vampires_  - he'd been promised eternity and chose mortality. 

A nurse rushed in and Simon all but growled at her to leave him be. She shook her head disapprovingly and stalked away.

-

 

_Raphael crowded into Simon's space some six days after Simon used the word home for the first time when speaking to the ginger haze. Simon had meant it when the word rolled off his tongue. Raphael had made room for him in his life, his quarters, on his exquisite couch without a second thought about it and he'd been a perfect gentleman. Home was marked with Raphael's cologne, his ridiculously overpriced decor and black silk pajamas._

_._

_' That will never be my home,' a past version of himself hissed bitterly._

_(Wrong)_

_ Raphael _

_(So beautifully right)_

_._

_The fledgling didn't miss Raphael's appreciative gaze when he was fresh out of the shower or hanging around watching tv in a pair of borrowed sweats. Sometimes he even went out of his way to encourage it if Raphael was too focused on clan matters and stressed._

_The next move should not have took him by surprise but it did._

_._

_Raphael's eyes dropped to Simon's lips hungrily. 'I really want to kiss you.'_

_Simon's eyes widened in what must've came off as terrified. Misreading the situation, Raphael began to retreat._

_'Please,' Simon pleaded. He wasn't sure whether he was pleading with the other to stay or kiss him until he felt boneless and weak kneed. All he knew was Raphael Santiago was stood in front of him with naked affection in his eyes and lips parted in surprise. Simon rushed forward and pulled their mouths together in what ended up being a painful first kiss. Raphael laughed and broke the kiss._

_'Slow,' he said._

_Gathering every ounce of bravery, Simon nervously leaned back in. The following kiss was delicate in a way Simon had never felt. Raphael slid his hand around the nape of Simon's neck and closed his eyes. For a moment, they breathed in tandem - the dead dragging one another back from the grave, coming back to life. When their lips met, Raphael moaned softly and tilted Simon's head to deepen it._ _His tongue was cool as it skimmed along the crease of Simon's lips and it was almost too much. Simon felt cherished, wanted, adored._

_._

_._

_When Raphael broke the kiss, Simon noticed how completely unraveled the elder vampire was. God, he'd caused this beautiful man to fall apart under his touch. He was still reeling from that fact when Raphael threw him for another headspin. _

_'You should sleep in my bed.'_

_Simon blinked, coming back down to Earth. 'You...uh...you don't want me. I snore really loud and I like sleeping on top of the covers instead of underneath and yes of course I'll sleep in your bed.' _

_'With you,' he added as an afterthought._

_Raphael took him by the hand-_

 

_-_

 Simon stared down at his own aging hands as if he were seeing them for the first time. They're empty, he thought. They shouldn't be. Unbidden, another instance-

-

 

_'He was not a bad person.'_

_Simon crossed his arms, puffing up his chest. In the background, the ending theme for Star Wars played. They'd finished watching The Clone Wars and Anakin mercilessly slaying baby jedi's before attempting to end the life of Obi Wan. As far as Simon was concerned, the man got what he deserved._

_'What? He was a terrible person,' Simon shrieked. _

_Raphael stretched lazily on the plush sofa and yawned, fully aware of the war he was stirring up. 'If you wanted me to agree with you, you should've said so. We could've watched one of your disgustingly mushy movies.'_

_Simon hit mute on the television and jabbed a finger in Raphael's direction. 'Nicholas Sparks is a national treasure. Don't you dare insult him or I swear I'll make you watch every movie he's ever made.'_

_Raphael rolled his eyes._

_'Even_ Dear John _,' Simon threatened. He loathed it but Raphael didn't need to know that._

_The older vampire shook his hands in the air dramatically, brows rising. 'Oh no, not the one we've watched six times already. What a surprise!'_

_They glared, having locked themselves into a stalemate._

_When Simon could take it no more, he grumbled, 'It was a matter of circumstance. Maybe he wasn't always bad but-'_

_._

_._

_Before he had a chance to school Raphael on every factoid in the Star Wars universe, his back hit the sofa cushions. Raphael straddled him, knees on each side of Simon. His eyes were a fiery mix of arousal and irritation - so very like him. He cupped Simon's face and the fledgling closed his eyes._

_And then, an exhale in his ear:_

_'Anakin Skywalker was not a monster.'_

_._

_._

_Simon flipped them and returned the favor, both muttering insults and cinematic jabs until the heat between them culminated with buttons flying off a shirt and a belt being hastily undone. Maybe, Simon thought some three hours later, Anakin simply loved too hard. But then, where was the harm in that?_

_-_

 

His skin felt clammy and prickly as he stood and angrily ripped the itchy blanket and sheets from the bed. Destroying what did not belong to him wouldn't do a damn bit of good or explain why he'd spent more than half a lifetime not loving Raphael Santiago but he was restless. He needed to know what happened, where-

He began to dry heave. The memories threatened to choke him. Just when he was certain he'd die from the pain, the worst one hit. 

-

 

 

_'We couldn't get to him in time'_

_'We couldn't get to him in time'_

_'We couldn't-'_

_Simon is screaming, his knees hit the floor. He feels like someone ripped him out of a great blue lake and gutted him to the core like a fish._

_'Raphael is **dead** '_

_I'm dead, Simon thought. This is how I'll break, all at once. _

The younger Simon surrendered willingly. _'I'll do it.'_

_Raphael Santiago is-_

_-_

 

A night nurse named Cecilia dashed into his room and covered her mouth in shock. Simon Lewis was never this erratic. If anything, he was the ward's comedic entertainment and kept his nurses in stitches. She took note of the pile of bed coverings and various photographs strewn on the floor. She knew this scene and witnessed it what felt like every week with the other patients. 

Simon slid to the floor and curled in on himself. She lowered herself beside of him and gently stroked his arm until he calmed. "Shh it's okay, love. Would you like to talk about it?"

The elderly man shook his head no and she didn't force the matter. Ten minutes later, the bed was remade and Simon had a fistful of wadded up tissues. His face was more pale than usual and she noticed how he kept clutching his chest as if it hurt though he insisted he was just tired. Just in case, she returned with a medicine cup of pills and he downed without his usual protest. 

 

-

When she'd left, Simon allowed the tears to flow freely. They were translucent and he knew without question that they should've been a milky shade of red.

 

The final memory that stood out from the rest (much like with Raphael's) involved the ginger haze of a blur. 

-

 

_A small girl sat next to Simon at a tiny rectangular table. Around them, their fellow third graders talked loudly and flicked the occasional spoonful of peas at one another. Simon loathed school._

_The blur came into focus. Forest green eyes lit up with mischief and anger as the girl split her ham sandwich with Simon._

_'Next time he steals your lunch I'm going to kick him in the shin,' she threatened. She would, he'd witnessed her in action only last week. Michael Luceri had pushed him down on the playground and she'd came out swinging._

_'I don't need you to fight my battles for me, Clary,' Simon groused and pushed his glasses up higher on his nose. He was a scrawny kid with unruly curls and a comic book forever in his backpack. Why wouldn't he be the perfect target?_

_'I'm trying to protect you, Simon. Geez you could at least say thank you.'_

_Simon sighed and mumbled around a bite of his food. 'Thank you.'_

_-_

 

Clary Fray, his mind supplied. Memories played out like a film behind his eyes, ranging from sticky ice cream fingers at the park to tossing blue hats at graduation. In many of them over the span of time, he saw her through young adoring eyes even as she missed the obvious. I forgot you, he thought, I forgot both of you. 

I loved both of you.

I lost...

His eyes slid shut, the medicine having taken effect. His dreams were colored with their presence and in them, he was happy.

-

 

Serah quietly closed the door and passed her father another strawberry jam filled doughnut. What the staff didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

"What happened, Pop? The nurses say you made a racket last night. Is it mom? Are you?" She sighed. "I miss her too."

Simon put his food down and carefully wrapped it up. His stomach was still wound up from last night and grief enclosed him until he could hardly breathe without aching. He loved Serah more than anyone in the world, living or dead, but she would not understand. 

"Yeah," he agreed.

When she hugged him, he knew without a doubt it would be the last time. He felt it in his bones. He gathered her in his frail arms and squeezed with all of his might. "I love you,  _diminuta estrella."_ He cradled her in his arms for the longest and tried not to think about how hard she would take it when heaven called him back home.

"I love you, papa." 

-

 

They say when you die, it is not the end. Rather it's the beginning of a new life, a life everlasting.

-

 

Simon covered his beloved Ana in kisses and they were so young here- _so young._ He held her in his arms and whispered her name like a prayer he has not known the words to until now.

Eventually she took him by the hand without an explanation aside from, "Go to him. I've had to listen to his moaning about you for  _ages."_

"Who?"

She rolled her eyes and pointed. "The drama queen in the corner."

She released him and gave him a gentle shove forward. A man in a fine suit turned around with the brightest smile and Simon fell to his knees. _Raphael._

 

The ache in his chest became a knot. How could he have ever agreed to erase such a person? Grief, he thought, is a fight to the death with your own heart. Raphael does not belong here and yet he does. Simon wasn't about to question divinity, not when eternity was in those dark eyes.

Raphael gracefully walked over and tugged Simon to his feet. He wore a suit that Simon vividly recalled stripping off in a frenzied rush after a particularly emotional fight that included hissing and name calling. It had always represented the good and bad of them.

He gathered Simon in his arms and buried his head in the crook of a warm neck. It was such an intimate gesture that it brought tears to Simon's eyes. He gripped the back of Raphael's shirt as tightly as he could - if this was a dream, he didn't want to wake up. Everyone he'd ever loved was here (the others are waiting their turn) in this heaven and he felt  _complete_.

Raphael dropped a kiss to the top of Simon's head. "I have waited for you, mi sol." 

"I erased you, you were gone. T-They-he took you from me," Simon sobbed. Hot tears spilled over onto the lush blue silk of Raphael's shirt and he briefly considered scrubbing them away so as to not damage it. That required movement, however, and he wasn't willing to let go.

"It had to happen as it did," Raphael murmured. He drew back and brushed a thumb over the curve of Simon's lips.

God, it's the small things you miss the most, Simon thought. 

"I never stopped loving you," Simon whispered against them, accentuating each word with a kiss. Even as his mind had drawn a blank, some part of it reacted violently to the suit and knewsomething had gone terribly wrong. 

Raphael slid a hand to the nape of Simon's neck and tenderly brushed his lips against Simon's. It was like magic; how their bodies recognized half of the whole of who they were together. When Raphael's tongue licked across Simon's mouth it was warm and  _delicate._ In the life after their life, Raphael had been spared and Simon felt like holiness was no longer out of reach. 

 _"Te amo,"_ Raphael breathed. He followed each damp trail with his lips and Simon no longer ached. 

-

 

"Ana is a beautiful woman," Raphael stated later. 

Simon watched from afar as Raphael's family and his own gathered. Mama Lewis and Madre Santiago were discussing something at length, hand gestures flying. Raphael's siblings and Simon's sister sat in a circle as the youngest played duck duck goose. And next to them, Ana and Clary shared a laugh. Serah would join them eventually but he was in no rush. Life was fleeting and he hoped hers wouldn't be cut short before she was ready. 

He smiled at the picture before him. In this place, there was no suffering. 

Raphael intertwined their fingers and tugged Simon down onto an ivory bench. Ana was just as loving as she was strong and opinionated. They'd exchanged stories about their Simon many times and her Serah. If he were to lose Simon to anyone, he wouldn't have minded if it'd been her. 

Simon began to laugh heartily then, "She called you a drama queen."

Raphael glared in her direction and she must've felt it as she met it with her own. Oh but she was hard headed, that one. He jerked his head at her and raised his brows. "Pot meet kettle."

Simon's eyes darted between the three greatest loves of his life (Raphael, Ana and Clary, respectively) and chuckled. This is heaven, he thought. Loving them.

-

 

Simon has lived a life.

**Author's Note:**

> diminuta estrella: tiny star  
> querida: darling  
> luz de las estrellas: starlight
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you like this, thatbloodyines! It was a heartbreaking prompt but it was fantastic and brilliant. you know how much I live for pain lol. so sorry it took longer than I expected. as usual, I rewrote it entirely a few times so please pardon any mistakes, I finished it on little sleep (got in one of those moods where you just can't stop writing and I lost track of time)
> 
>  
> 
> [if I made any translation mistakes, feel free to correct me. also tysm for reading and I'm so sorry about your feels]
> 
>  
> 
> fic title is from "willow, weep for me" by billie holiday (or etta james) you can cry over it here:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w82NHDRRGJ0
> 
>  
> 
> chapter 2 title is from "losing your memory" by ryan star which is also very sad:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ffp5vPyU2cI
> 
>  
> 
> LASTLY (because I can't shut up) I put rafe in heaven because if anyone deserves a break it's my sweet angel son. my rules now.


End file.
